I bet I could get tons of crazy and hilarious answers to that; you know you are adopting when...
But right now is not feeling so funny. I have struggled to post this because the last thing in the world I want to do is sound like I am complaining. I am not. I am beyond blessed that God believes I am worthy enough to be Valentin's mama. I am beyond blessed to have some family and friend who support us, no matter what. I am beyond blessed to have this opportunity to 'meet' so many of you and watch how you have worked hard to help bring Valentin home. No, I am not complaining...
But I am hurting.
You know you are adopting when your world get's rocked right before you leave to meet your new child.
I don't know why I am writing this, maybe to explain my lack of posts lately, maybe just to get it out, maybe to ask for prayer. Probably to ask for prayer.
I have a house full of sick kids...very sick kids. And now hubby and I are feeling it too. Really this is no surprise, at least a few of us get sick before every adoption trip. But my boys are REALLY sick and that is so hard to watch. As a mom you want to take it all away and there is nothing I can do. It's a nasty virus that is doing a number on them. Hubby and I have so much to get done and between us not feeling good and trying to care for the kids we are starting to feel the pressure.
On top of that my mom is sick too. Normally that would not be too big of a deal but she has COPD and Emphysema. We know our time on this earth with her is limited but one bad cold or pneumonia and she may never recover. It's all in God's hands and that is what she would tell me but I worry. My mom is my best friend and I selfishly want her here. She will be watching all 3 kids while we are gone and I worry about her health. She would not trade making those memories with the kids for anything and really she would not have it any other way. But, I still worry.
A few weeks ago my grandmother told me about a lump she felt. Mammograms, ultrasounds, scans, biopsies, and weeks later tests show she has a very aggressive type of cancer. This is baffling to the doctors because they say that for as long as she has had it, she ought to not be here if it is truly that type of cancer. So really they don't know what type she has but they want to start radiation right away. My grandmother is a widow and I am the only family she has. The thought that she has to go through radiation by herself is killing me. She is a strong woman and has told me many times to go get Valentin and that she is fine but she's my grandma, and how do you leave your grandma at such a time? She has wonderful neighbors who care for her dearly and they have reassured me that they will take good care of her. I have no doubt they will, but it is hard to leave.
So my heart is torn, I want to be with our precious son who no doubt cannot spend one more day in that prison of a crib but I also want to be here with my kids, my mom, and my grandma. If you ever had romantic sensationalized ideas of adoption, now you know. And just in case you thought I had it all together or something...haha, now you really know.
I am usually crying while I post here because they are tears of joy. Not today, today's tears are different. I am hurting...but we press on.
I know this is far more of a spiritual battle then an earthly health battle. I am certain of it. So, what can I do but keep trusting God with every thing? It will work out however God sees fit and all I can do is surrender and keep following His lead. Easier said then done some days. Today I felt discouragement and I almost gave into it. Maybe that's why I am writing, I don't know.
Really there is not much point to my ramblings but if you could say a prayer for my loved ones I would appreciate it.