Thursday, April 5, 2012

You know you are adopting when...

I bet I could get tons of crazy and hilarious answers to that; you know you are adopting when...

But right now is not feeling so funny.  I have struggled to post this because the last thing in the world I want to do is sound like I am complaining.  I am not.  I am beyond blessed that God believes I am worthy enough to be Valentin's mama.  I am beyond blessed to have some family and friend who support us, no matter what.  I am beyond blessed to have this opportunity to 'meet' so many of you and watch how you have worked hard to help bring Valentin home.  No, I am not complaining...

But I am hurting.

You know you are adopting when your world get's rocked right before you leave to meet your new child.

I don't know why I am writing this, maybe to explain my lack of posts lately, maybe just to get it out, maybe to ask for prayer.  Probably to ask for prayer.

I have a house full of sick kids...very sick kids.  And now hubby and I are feeling it too.  Really this is no surprise, at least a few of us get sick before every adoption trip.  But my boys are REALLY sick and that is so hard to watch.  As a mom you want to take it all away and there is nothing I can do.  It's a nasty virus that is doing a number on them.  Hubby and I have so much to get done and between us not feeling good and trying to care for the kids we are starting to feel the pressure.

On top of that my mom is sick too.  Normally that would not be too big of a deal but she has COPD and Emphysema.  We know our time on this earth with her is limited but one bad cold or pneumonia and she may never recover.  It's all in God's hands and that is what she would tell me but I worry.  My mom is my best friend and I selfishly want her here.  She will be watching all 3 kids while we are gone and I worry about her health.  She would not trade making those memories with the kids for anything and really she would not have it any other way.  But, I still worry.

A few weeks ago my grandmother told me about a lump she felt.  Mammograms, ultrasounds, scans, biopsies, and weeks later tests show she has a very aggressive type of cancer.  This is baffling to the doctors because they say that for as long as she has had it, she ought to not be here if it is truly that type of cancer.  So really they don't know what type she has but they want to start radiation right away.  My grandmother is a widow and I am the only family she has.  The thought that she has to go through radiation by herself is killing me.  She is a strong woman and has told me many times to go get Valentin and that she is fine but she's my grandma, and how do you leave your grandma at such a time?  She has wonderful neighbors who care for her dearly and they have reassured me that they will take good care of her.  I have no doubt they will, but it is hard to leave.

So my heart is torn, I want to be with our precious son who no doubt cannot spend one more day in that prison of a crib but I also want to be here with my kids, my mom, and my grandma.  If you ever had romantic sensationalized ideas of adoption, now you know.  And just in case you thought I had it all together or something...haha, now you really know.

I am usually crying while I post here because they are tears of joy.  Not today, today's tears are different.  I am hurting...but we press on.

I know this is far more of a spiritual battle then an earthly health battle.  I am certain of it.  So, what can I do but keep trusting God with every thing?  It will work out however God sees fit and all I can do is surrender and keep following His lead.  Easier said then done some days.  Today I felt discouragement and I almost gave into it.  Maybe that's why I am writing, I don't know.

Really there is not much point to my ramblings but if you could say a prayer for my loved ones I would appreciate it.


  1. Oh my goodness, you must be feeling awful. I will pray for the sicknesses to go away. And I will pray for your torn heart.

  2. Oh Lord, I lift up this precious family to you and see the sruggles and trials they are enduring as the spiritual attack becomes physical. Hold them all softly and tenderly to your bosom and bring them to health. I pray for Grandma and for the desire she has for Valentin to come home, as she endures her trial. Lord, Valentin is so incredibly special to you that satan is trembling with fear that he is soon to come to the people who will love him as you love us. Hallelujah, we have already the victory through Jesus! Please Lord, make clear their path that they may walk through this fire and rescue their son from the fiery pit. Thank you Jesus.

  3. Well, it's official: Satan hates adoption. Oh I'm not saying Satan is causing illnesses in your family. No. But any feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, fear, etc. we know are not from the Lord. HE is in control. I know you know that....but I will be praying for you and your family. God works ALL things together for good for them that love Him....

  4. I agree with Brenda.You have the power of God behind you don't lose hope.Prayer and Hugs for you!

  5. Praying for health and strength for you and all of your family! Barb

  6. Jamie,
    Sending you a hug from Indiana

  7. So sorry the devil is throwing so many challenges your way! Keep up your courage - God is stronger! Praying for you and the family!

  8. Definitely Praying for you & your family!
    Jennifer S.

  9. I'm so sorry Jamie. I can only imagine the emotional distress of adopting all by itself, but now add these additional stressors...I hope you can feel our prayers surround you and find some peace in that. God has this girlfriend!!
    Hugs! Christina

  10. Praying for you all! Satan has to leave at the sound of God's Great Name!!!!!!!!! So I will say it hear and now: Satan, you have no power here. At God's Great Name you have to leave!!!!!!!!

  11. So sorry that you are going through so much right now.I will be praying for you and your family in the days to come. The fact that the devil is attack you so viciously right now let's me know that you little guy is set to do great thing in this lifetime.

  12. Jesus said He would be with us always! So, when Satan knocks at the door,tell the Lord to answer it.

  13. I like comments like this Jamie, they are important because they show you are real and going through some of the same things the rest of us use as excuses to NOT adopt. And yet you are trusting God and working through them. I can't even imagine being away from my kids and family for a month + in a foreign country nonetheless, especially with the chance that some family members may pass away. But know God is in control of everything and heaven will all be worth it!

  14. You deifinitly must be doing something amazing to have Satan after you so intensly. Be emboldend by your struggle. You are covered in prayer- from people you don't even know.

  15. I am praying for you!! I'm glad you shared this so that we can all pray through this too!

  16. Oh Jamie... so much going on, so much to worry about. You have the love and support of so many behind you. I know you know already, but it will all make sense and be worth it once you are home with Valentin and everyone gets to meet him and love him in person. You are a remarkable person for continuing on when so many others would have stopped. It shows how much you believe in your faith in God and His plan. Hugs to you all.

    PS... congratulations on a travel date! :o))

  17. Jamie,

    It means even more to me that you were praying for our prayer requests when you had all of this going on. I and my family will be praying for you now during this time when so many difficulties have come up at once for you and those you love.

    Be not dismayed whate'er betide, God will take care of you;
    Beneath His wings of love abide, God will take care of you.
    Thru days of toil when heart doth fail, God will take care of you;
    When dangers fierce your path assail, God will take care of you.
    All you may need He will provide, God will take care of you;
    Nothing you ask will be denied, God will take care of you.
    No matter what may be the test, God will take care of you;
    Lean, weary one, upon His breast, God will take care of you.

    God will take care of you, Thru ev'ry day, O'er all the way;
    He will take care of you, God will take care of you.

    Civilla D. Martin, 1869-1948


  18. Oh man, this is craziness no matter how you crack it. It is always hard to leave knowing when you return life is going to be different but to leave w/ so much in the air has to be so trying too. Just know you are covered in prayer on this side of the ocean! And that goes for your family too...Take care of yourself and hubby so you two can remain strong for all that lies ahead in the coming days, weeks and months. Thinking of you!

    1. have you thought about, rather than you and your husband travelling together, having someone else, someone you trust, maybe someone with experience with special needs, accompany you on this mission? Then one of you could stay home with the kids, and mom/grandma, and you would not feel so helpless and far away during the trip to pick up valentin. I am sure, with all the support people feel for Valentin, that someone perfect to travel with could be found...