Saturday, May 5, 2012

Day 19: Delays

As I had written before, we thought our documents had been submitted to the adoption authority in the country's capitol and that we were waiting on an official document before we could ask for a court date.  Our facilitator had told us it was submitted and that we would likely get that document on the 10th and have court maybe on the 15th.  No problem, we know the process is long here so we stick it out.

Our facilitator is on vacation out of the country but assured me that she would be in contact by email and if I needed anything she would email me back.  I have sent numerous emails and have not heard from her since before she left.  I hope she is ok.  Since I could not get any info from her I had to call one of the other team members and on the way to visit the boys I was told our documents have not even been submitted yet.  WHAT?!?!  Apparently they will be submitted on Monday and the earliest court date we could hope to receive would be in 2 weeks.

To say that we are upset and frustrated is an understatement.  Really, we would not have minded it so much if someone would have been honest with us and kept us in the loop.  We have no idea why there has been such a delay and when we ask we get no answer and are told they "don't know why the delay".

So I sit here with no end in sight, stretching a budget WAY beyond what we had planned for, cannot get any clear answers or guidance, and the person who we are paying to help us is out of the country and will not return emails.

So, what does this mean?  Since we can't get any answers I don't know, but it looks like this will delay us at least another 2 weeks putting my time in country now well over 60 days.  And everyday we are spending a small fortune to pay rent and a driver.  Plus, everyday I only get to see the boys 45 minutes each because they always cut our time short.  When we do the math it is just as much or even less for me to fly home for the 2 weeks until court.  So that is what I am doing.

I know there is going to be a backlash about this and I am going to get messages saying I should not say anything about the facilitation team and that I should not leave the boys.  Trust me, all I have done is cry over leaving the boys!  But before you start to write me a hurtful comment, please, I humbly ask you to put yourself in my shoes.  There are people who came here after us and have court tomorrow.  We came a week before they did and will not have court for 2 more weeks...if even then.  Please hear me when I say that we are still trusting God with all of this, we know none of this is a surprise to Him.  We also know that the facilitation team will work to get things done and that the adoption will happen (Lord willing).  We are not complaining about any of it because what would complaining do?  Nothing.  It is what it is.

The only reason I am spelling it all out here is so that everyone will be kept up to date on what is happening.  I know the gossip, hate, and rude comments that are going to come my way over this, so originally I was just going to post that I was taking a break from blogging and would be back when we had court.  But that would not be fair to those of you who truly support us and love the boys.  You have walked this journey with us and I respect you too much not to be honest about what is going on.

My family and I had to weigh all the reasons to stay here and all the reasons to go home.  There is no easy answer to that, the best solution would be for the boys to come home with me, but it's just not God's timing yet, so do I stay here and spend 45 minutes a day with each boy or do I go spend all day with my kids at home?  And please remember 2 of my kids at home are adopted and one is regressing because I have been gone so long.  Not an easy decision to make is it?  I cried over being away from my family for now over 60 days and I am crying even now as I write about leaving the boys.  There is no easy answer.  I know a lot of people are going to write saying I should stay but what we do is not for others it is for God and I know I am not being disobedient to Him by going home.

So to those who truly love us and the boys and support us, thank you for understanding.  To those who will write me saying I don't care enough about the boys to stay, please remember that EVERYTHING we are doing and all the sacrifices we are making are for those precious boys!

Father, we trust you.  We don't understand why there are delays but we know that everything is in your hands.  We pray for a speedy process but always according to your will.  We don't lean on our own understanding, we trust the unseen.  Please protect the boys physically, emotionally, and spiritually during our absence and keep them, as you have since the moment they were conceived.  We praise you even in the trials because we know YOU ARE GOOD...ALL THE TIME.

61 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear about the delays and the agonizing decision you had to make. I pray that you are safe in your travels and the boys do well while you are gone. God is faithful, always!

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  2. Oh Jamie.... A year from now you will look back on this and it will be a FOND MEMORY!! For now you are being forced to take one single step at a time, muddling through, holding tight to Your Father's hand and just doing what YOU believe is right. YOU DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU!! Forget anyone who says otherwise. You KNOW your kids. You KNOW how much you can handle. You are connected to the God the Universe and with that connection comes whispers in your heart about what is good and right. So just ignore anyone who would wag their fingers and just keep taking one single step at a time doing what is good and right for your ENTIRE FAMILY.

    I'm praying. I'm sorry that things were messed up for you.

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  3. Praying for you and your family through it all. God bless.

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  4. Dear Jamie,
    What a heartbreaking thing to have to decide. I am reminded of what my dad told me the other day as we wait for our referral and we agonize at how much longer this is putting off us being able to travel, these children belong to God. He will care for them in your absense. He loves them and He loves you. You are so very closely yoked to Him and should not doubt the decisions you have made. He gives His wisdom to those who seek Him. Trust Him to see you through! Blessings and safe travels! Ruth

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  5. Remember that God will look after your boys while you are away. You are doing your best for your family at home and the boys and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. I will be praying for you as always.

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  6. god knows and the boys will understand..well be praying things go fast..and you have the boys home quickly..

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  7. Oh, Jamie, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I truly know how you feel!! I know your heart is breaking at the thought of leaving the boys. But you WILL be back and they WILL come home! I completely understand, at the same time, you NEED to get back to your little ones at home. Our prayers are with you! I hope your heart finds peace in your decision....just trust yourself!

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  8. Honey, you do what you need to do for your family. No one else has the right to judge your choices! You know your situation, and you make the decision!!!

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  9. Jamie - I would do the exact same thing. joey will understand that you wil be back soon, and hopefully Vaentin will too. Go hoe and be wth your other blessings and that way you will be rested and fresh when the boys need you again. God bless you. I love reading your bog each day.

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  10. I am sorry for all the delays---only you know what is best for your family so take a deep breath and don't worry about those that criticize....some will critcize NO MATTER WHAT!!
    Peace and Prayers for you!
    Sunnie in NC

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  11. Prayers are with you and your family! You are an inspiration to many. God will provide!!

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  12. Aw, praying for you all. You are a good mommy--- Sorry you have to go through this hard time. :(
    You are right...non of this is a surprise to God. So glad you can trust Him and His timing.
    Much love and prayers.

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  13. It's hard to understand why anyone would criticize your decision. The best thing to do is to just ignore them. I pray for safe travels back. You are doing the right thing.

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  14. We all know that God has this right in the palm of his hand! He is mighty to save and these two precious boys will be saved! I am actually relieved to hear that you made the decision to return home, Jamie. My heart was hurting for you as the days stretched out longer and longer. Your little ones at home need you also, as they have already known you as Mommy for a little while. Valentin and Joey will be just fine. I know that our merciful God will protect their little hearts until you return for them. Be safe and may God fill your own heart with all peace about this. (((HUGS))) from RI!

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  15. Anyone who presumes to know God's will for you or your life had better prove that they have a direct line to Him, because I think no one can discern it better than you. Maybe this IS God's will. Maybe there's a reason He wants you to go home and come back. I wrote on my blog about a mission trip I took to New Orleans when I was... sixteen or seventeen... which I returned from early and caught a lot of flak for - because I was disobeying God's will. I beg to differ! I think God had something to teach me with that trip and I think He did it! Please don't let anyone bring you down. I can see how much you genuinely love your kids - all of them, and I can understand the strength of the homesickness you described a couple days ago. That's how my panic attacks feel. It literally makes me physically ill. I will keep your family in my prayers and follow your situation - here's to hoping court is ASAP, which would be best for everyone!

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  16. Totally understandable that you are coming home for a while - it makes total sense. If you were getting to spend hours with the boys rather than 45 minutes a day, it would be different. I can't imagine how stir crazy you must be, being over there alone with not alot to do for the rest of the day. Not to mention the expense ! Come home, enjoy your children at home, get youself rejuvenated, then go back refreshed to get the others home, too !!:)

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  17. I know that you are in a hard place. I wish that I could help. All I can do to pray. Jane

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  18. What a difficult decision. Trust God. You are an amazing woman to be where you are. I have nothing but admiration for you. Your family back home can't wait. They need their mama now. Your boys will wait for you. They waited this long. They will wait a little more. Praying for you!

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  19. Go home, take a break, try to recharge, and love on your other children. Try not to let the negative people get you down. You have to do what is best for you. Nobody else is in your shoes. You are a wonderful person and deserve nothing but support.

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  20. Nothing negative here. When we did this, we didn't have children at home to attend to, you do. We experienced painful delays as well, but it only affected our jobs and paychecks, not kids at home. Do what you need to do for your family.

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  21. Oh, what a horrible decision to be faced with. I'm so sorry. From reading your blog it is clear that you approach every situation with sincere prayer and follow the guidance you receive from God Himself. To anticipate harsh judgement when you are already hurting only makesyour impossible circumstances harder to bear.

    Please Lord, protect Jamie, Valentin and Joey as they separate for a brief time. Fill them with an overwhelming sense of Your divine love, that whatever they face they will have trust and a sense of peace. Please bless their finances. You already knew, Lord, that these delays would happen, and we have faith that You are already using them for the greatest good of everyone. As Jamie so jubilantly proclaimed in a previous post, "Our God is still a God of miracles!" Soften the hearts of those who are tempted to criticize and move them instead to pray for this beautiful family. Please guide the facilitation team to be conscientious in carrying out their duties, and clear and honest in their dealings. Please Lord, bless each and every hand that touches their paperwork and instill in all those involved in the processing of this case a sense of urgency to unite this family as quickly as possible. Thank you, Lord. We have confidence that although we are easily confused and frustrated by the unexpected, nothing takes you by surprise, and indeed you have already worked out every detail. Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, we place our trust in You. Amen.

    Judee in Iowa

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  22. Bless your hearts. Ignore any rude comments you get. You are listening to God and doing what is best for your entire family - at home in the US and over there. I can't imagine how hard the decision has been for you all and will be praying for you.

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  23. I'm a fairly new reader and have prayed for you and plan on donating more very soon. I HOPE you don't receive ANY hateful or mean comments! We are readers--strangers most of us and it is a PRIVILEGE--not a RIGHT to be on this journey with you to a small extent via cyberspace. It is not for us to judge! Not that it matters in the least but I personally would do the exact same thing you are doing--go home to my other kiddos and husband until the date gets closer. It is not your fault that things aren't moving as planned and, you didn't "bash" anyone verbally so i would hope you have nothing to worry about in that regard! You are just doing what is best for your family with the information you have and that is all any of us can do really! More prayers heading your way... Lori

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  24. I can't believe you have to anticipate rude messages and hate mail . . . amidst everything else. It's absolutely mind blowing to me! I hope you can filter those out and know that those messages are not the majority voice or the heart of God. You and your husband are definitely serving as the hands and feet of Jesus and doing what many people would never do. There should only be grace for you in every decision you make. Every time I read your blog, I'm inspired and encouraged . . . so thank you for sharing your journey. May God comfort you and strengthen you and your family.

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  25. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Stay strong.....sending hugs your way from Colorado

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  26. I think you are absolutely making the right decision to come home. The Lord will be with the boys. Stay encouraged!

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  27. I am so sorry about the delays.....
    You and your family are in my prayers every single day!
    God is faithful!
    God is GOOD!
    I will stop what I am doing right now and just PRAY for you.
    (Please, don't forget to take care of yourself too...it is easy to forget about that when you are under stress/pressure.)

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  28. Holly SchoepplerMay 6, 2012 at 11:58 AM

    Jamie, I don't know you (except through this blog), but it is obvious to me you have your whole family's best interest in mind. Having lived through a year with a very sick child, I know how hard it can be to do what's best for everyone. The Lord knows, though, and the Lord will protect your boys. Have a wonderful time with the rest of your family and may you all be together as soon as possible! I'll keep praying.

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  29. No criticism from me! I am so sorry you're having to endure all this seemingly reasonless delay, and can only hope that explanations will be made clear in time. Meanwhile, it surely seems that you're making the best decision possible, when no decision is easy.

    For what it's worth, my cousins' two trips to find and adopt their children took an incredible total of 150 days in country. I think they set a record which still stands - but oh, my, are the girls ever worth it.

    So hang in there, know that lots of caring folks are keeping you all - you, your family, and the boys - in their prayers. Enjoy your time at home as much as you can, and use it to prepare for the excitement that lies just ahead!

    Best wishes,
    Susan in Ky
    Cousin to 2 from EE

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  30. I know it has to be so frustrating to not have any control over the process. And I know it had to have been an incredibly difficult decision to make, but at the end of the day, you have to do what you decide is right for you and your family, and not be dictated or swayed by what others would have you do, or think you should do. It is equally frustrating that they will only give you such a small amount of time to be wih the boys each day. Seems conterproductive to the whole process that they want you to visit the boys, but then hover and swoop in after only 45 minutes. My heart and prayers go out to you. I am praying the fascilitator gets the papers filed quickly and you will not have any further delays.

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  31. You must not worry what others think! God knows your heart and that is all that really counts! In your shoes, I would do the exact same thing. You need all the physical and mental rest you can get before you travel home and begin a new life with 2 little boys. I am sure God knows that and maybe this is the plan all along. Staying in a foreign country by yourself has to be stressful. You will get worn down and weary if you are not careful! If people have a true and genuinely compassionate heart, they will not judge you. If they don't, too bad! Go home, rest, prepare for the days ahead. Go back rested and ready to bring your boys home! God bless you!

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  32. Do not waste your time or worry on others opinions. You have to do what is best for your children, all of your children. I am being placed in a difficult place myself do I stay for an unknown period of time with all three of my lovies or take the one possibly two who I can leave with and need to get home for medical reasons home and leave the third. My heart changes every hour with the decision and over the next 2 weeks while I have to make the final decision the stress will be overwhelming. I pray God quickly changes things for the both of us and we can both be home with all of our babies very soon. Don't even give a second thought to others and their opinions. You are the mother to 5 children now and you have to do what's best for all of them. As hard as it is for us to accept the ones who have only known us a short time and see us so little of the time we are together will struggle far less than the ones at home who are still healing. My heart and prayers are with you. Just remember this is about you and yours nobody else has any insight into your lives. And if anyone is crazy enough to spew hate at a wonderful person like you just laugh because they are truly pathetic and obviously have never had a hard part or rough moment in their life.

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  33. I don't know you, but I am praying for you and your family and your boys! And as for going home, I would probably do the same thing. I will keep praying!!!

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  34. Jamie and Tyler, Isn't this the essence of being parents? Guiding our families, asking for God's will and not our own and then the sometimes difficult hurdles we have to face? What a hard, hard choice and hard, hard situation. You both make such good choices and listen so carefully...so trust yourselves and we will all be praying for your family, be it in Eastern Europe or in the States. Wherever you go, wherever Joey and Valentin are, God will be with all of you. XOXOXO Jane

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  35. The Father of the Fatherless will continue to love on His boys while you are gone and then will lovingly hand to their mama and papa. Your Father adores you, so go in that truth and love the ones already in your home!

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  36. No negative criticism from here :) My heart goes out to you for the decision you had to make; what a tough situation to be in! My prayers are with you.

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  37. Maybe God knew that you might need a break, a refresher, to be able to handle the long journey home with two boys. I can't believe people would judge you for a decision that is yours alone. PRayers to you!

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  38. You do not know me but my heart breaks knowing how torn you must have been making this decision! You are doing the right thing. I'll bet when you get back, you will be a whole new person, refreshed and ready to tackle any problems. In reading your last few blogs, I could tell you were becoming weary (trust me, no judgement! you are in a very stressful situation by yourself thousands miles away from home!) Maybe this is God's way of giving you more strength for court, all the paperchasing and a 30 hour flight with 2 boys who have never been outside the walls of their orphanage. So forget all the negativity, go home, be with your family and come back completely renewed!! I'll continue to pray for you and the boys! God bless...Samantha

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  39. You are doing what is right for your family. From what I've read, Joey will understand that you will be back for him, and I'm sure Valentin will understand the best he can.

    Forget what other people say! They are probably just insecure about their own decisions. Anyone who would criticize you for this is someone whose opinion isn't worth having.

    Praying for you and your little ones.

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  40. Safe travels as you go back for rest, rejuvenation and to support your "USA" kids. Praying that everything goes smoothly from here on out, and that you will all be home soon. Your boys will no be alone, and before you know it all of your kids will be home together - as it should be!

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  41. You are doing the right thing, You are one mother and have 5 children in 2 different countries, you can only be at one place at a time and this delay will help your children at home, it must be so hard for them. Good Luck:-)

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  42. Oh Jamie! I am so sorry to hear about the delay. You do what is best for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Love on your kids at home! I know you miss them. It will be good for you to see your babies at home.

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  43. Go home my friend - Just as God has watched over your three at home, He will watch over Joey & valentin. WE are praying for you - and we love you.

    love-
    Karen & Doug

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  44. Praying for you and all your family as you endure this delay. The Lord is righteous and able to deliver, in His time, even when we know not what to do. Make your decision with your family, and trust He will protect you and keep you, your family, and your boys, through this time as you proceed as you believe best. Be careful, both body and spirit, and remember, you serve your Lord, and your family, not the world.
    Blessings in abundance.

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  45. I don't know you personally, but I totally support you and your family and what you are doing. I have many friends who have adopted, and I know how stressful it can be, especially when you have other small children you have to leave behind for so long. I think it's ridiculous that people would say mean things to you about going home for the 2 weeks. I would absolutely be doing the same thing. It stinks sometimes when things don't go the way we want them to or hope they'll go, but God's timing is what's perfect, not ours. I'll be praying for you and your family.

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  46. Why would people cut you down for going home? LOTS of people go home while they wait for court. You don't owe anyone an explanation for what you have chosen to do for your family. As for the facilitation team not submitting your document....well...I best just keep my mouth closed.

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  47. It must be SO hard to be torn between your children into two different continents. I think I would do the same thing you are doing. You must miss your babes and husband at home terribly!! You will ALL be together again soon.

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  48. Seriously? You would get hateful comments and e-mails??? I don't understand that at all! Of course you don't want to leave the boys but 2 extra weeks is a game changer for sure!! Go home and love on the rest of your kiddos and be thankful for the break to go see them. Then you can be in country when it's productive and doing something towards the adoption!!! Be safe!!

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  49. You poor thing! Such a tough and stressful decision. It sounds like you are making what is the best decision for you and your family! Many blessings!

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  50. I am sooooo upset reading this blog. I have yet to comment on a blog yet but I feel so led to do so. Why am I upset? Because you are doing all this for these 2 boys and your family and making a heartbreaking decision that has no right answer and you have to worry about people judging you and leaving unkind comments! That should not even have to be a thought in your head! Obviously you love these boys to no end and your family at home the same. I cannot even imagine how hard that decision was to make or how frustrated you must be with the whole process. Know there are many out there praying for you and I pray no one makes you feel at all unsure about any of the decisions you are making. It makes me so sad when we knock each other down instead of building each other up. And honestly, I think God may have realized that you really need ot go home for a bit for your own heart and spirit and get refreshed and come back even better. God bless you and prayers daily for you and your family, Kate

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  51. as I read your blogpost and read about you coming home, my first thought was,"oh good..." Oh, friend. I think I would do the same. Those littles need you. And you have no control over a lousy adoption process/system... I know your heart will ache for those sons not home yet, and we will continue to pray for their hearts, minds, and souls. You will have your chance/time to be their mom fully soon enough. Know we love you guys so much!

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  52. Enjoy your family back at home and God will take care of your boys until court!! We will be praying that your whole family can be united quickly!!

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  53. What a plan God must have to give you this restful time with your children back home. I can't believe you'd worry at all about others thoughts - who among us wouldn't do the exact same thing?? This is a crazy amount of time in country, for any country, and I can't imagine just "waiting" there. I hope this is a great relief for you to be able to go home and rest up as you get ready for the huge trip of bringing the boys home. Anyone who has adopted before and traveled for any length of time will certainly "get it" and continue to follow along your journey with positive thoughts for what you are doing! Hope that court date comes just as it should.

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  54. The time at home will give you rest and will give your children at home some mommy time in preparation for the big changes coming. Do not even give another thought to anyone who would judge you!

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  55. I think you made the right decision. There is a point where you have to realize that your first priority is the well being of the children already in your family. The boys will probably miss you, but they won't suffer as much as your kids do at home.

    Please know that whatever decision you make as the parent of your children will be the best possible one.

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  56. I'm sorry for what you are going though! We chose not to use the same facilitation team as you but that made them angry so Serge (the leader of your team) threatened to behead our facilitator and admitted to messing with our paperwork so that we would be delayed. We have spoken to RR about it but they have ignored us the entire way saying either we didn't tell them or we were flat out lying about what happened. I hate to say it but your name will likely be tracked through the mud because you did speak out. It's no fun telling the truth and then being blamed for something you didn't do.

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  57. First, I have to say, you are a braver woman than I! Or maybe crazier? :) I hated the travel part so I stayed in country... I wouldn't have cared if it was 60 days or 60 months! Well, my budget would have cared... ;) Do what YOU need to do! God will comfort and protect the boys until you can be back with them. They will understand. Regroup, recharge, and go back refreshed and ready for the rest of your journey! Like Julia said, it will all be a fond memory soon! Hugs & Prayers!!

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  58. I have been following your story since before Christmas, since just before you went to get your sweet daughter. So, there are probably a number of people like me you don't even know about in the body of Christ who are praying for you and your present situation and hurt with you. I have read Baby House 10. If anyone should question what is happening in the country and in your lives right now, have them read Baby House 10 so they can better understand.
    It is all in God's timing, and sometimes He has to move a few mountains i.e. people, before things happen. And His timing is perfect. I hurt for the boys and I hurt for you. But I suspect that God is crying even more than we are. Job never did receive an answer from God as to why he was put through trials, but God told him and his friends that "Job has said of me what is right." They were best friends!
    Your faith and your blogs have strengthened my spiritual life! I lift your family up in prayer.

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  59. Prayers being said for all. You are an amazing person. Your blog is so inspirational. May God continue to keep each of you in His loving hands.

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  60. I admire you so very very very much! God Bless You! Your entire family WILL be together!!!! Sending you much love and support from California!

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  61. No backlash here, I was 58 days with our first adoption and 54 with our second in country. Too many tears and too many weeks of "no answer". An upfront answer is always hard to get, not just from your facilitating team! Hang in there! So glad God raised up others to help you and bless you in country. Godspeed home and back again!

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