What's in a name

We have decided on a name for Valentin!!!! And no, I am not going to tell you what it is. That’s just mean isn’t it!

Valentin is the alias that Reece’s Rainbow gave our boy to protect his identity. His real name is his countries version of a biblical name that we love.

We have gone back and forth about whether or not to keep his ‘real’ first name. We have heard that many children hate that their parents kept their name because it reminds them of bad memories. I can see how that can happen. Some kids love that their parents kept their name because it lets them keep some of their heritage. I can see how that can happen.

So, what to do?

After a lot of thought and prayer we have decided to keep his given first name legally the same. However we will call him the English version of that name. And no I cannot tell you what it is because anyone could easily find out his name that way. And our first duty as parents is to protect him. But the name is beautiful and the biblical meaning of the name is so so so fitting. We will reveal his name but probably not until the day he is finally in our arms and out of that orphanage. Just writing that brings such hope to my heart…out of that orphanage…has a beautiful ring to it, doesn’t it?

And do you remember me telling you in this post that the name we have chosen for Valentin is the same name that some dear friends of ours had named their child after they lost him way too early through miscarriage? We did not know what they had named their boy until we mentioned Valentin’s real name and through tears our friend told us. When we are paying attention, it is amazing to see how God has weaved lives and souls together in such a beautiful tapestry. It means so much to us to be naming our child in memory of theirs.

I can tell you what we have decided for his middle name. Really, how could it be anything other then Valentin?!?! Valentin is how he is known by so many. To think of the thousands and thousands of prayers that have been said using the name Valentin…it is so part of who he is. So Valentin it is.

The house that love built

Who would have thought, when this picture was taken and I was pregnant three and a half years ago, that so many changes would happen in that room. It has been so much fun to search old pictures of the kids' room to see how it has transformed over the last three and a half years.

The room started with one crib as we anxiously awaited the birth of our first child.

One crib turned into two cribs with the arrival of our second child.

As our boys grew, two cribs turned into 2 beds (which is a bunk bed that separated into two beds - I highly recommend this - it has worked so well for us) while we worked on bringing our third child home.

Two beds stacked to a bunk bed and the old crib was added back in with the arrival of our third child.

And now, a second bunk bed was added as we wait to welcome Valentin home.

We are leaving the crib in the room until we see what Valentin will be most comfortable with. The last thing we want to do is take a child who has been confined to a crib for so many years and put him in another crib. But with as many changes as he is going to experience leaving the orphanage, traveling on a train, lots of car rides, different apartments, many flights, and a completely new country and home, we just want to give him the option of a crib if it makes him feel secure and safe. Plus, we don't know how active or possibly quite violent his stimming will be and a bed (especially a bed with another child on top) might not be the safest option.

Our house is growing in love, not size, but one thing that had to grow in size was our vehicle. We had a small crew cab truck that would only fit five (very snugly) and we didn't think any of the kids would want to ride in the bed of the truck. So we had been searching for a great deal on a used vehicle that would fit all 6 of us. As usual, God provided the right vehicle at the right time and at the right price (although having a car payment again is something we will have to get used to). I never thought we would be driving a 12 passenger van. The van, with it's removable seats, also provide lots of flexibility if Valentin needs a wheelchair ramp or lift too. With the huge van and growing family I think we have officially become "that" family...and I love it!

Our snug ride before...

Our roomy new ride...

It's funny how Christ, time, and kids change you. When I bought our house almost 9 years ago (before I even met my husband) I thought it was just a small starter home and that when I married and had a family we would move to a larger home where each child would have his or her own room and plenty of space for material items. Hehe, I am no longer that person and this is so NOT that house. I think we have wisely invested our money in rescuing orphans, not in material possessions and I thank God he changed our hearts. Our kids share a room and there just isn't the space for lots of material items...and I wouldn't have it any other way. This house holds some of my most precious memories and it is one of my greatest goals to build loving memories here for my husband and my children. My prayer is that my kids grow up not with lots of stuff, but with lots of substance. The things that really matter in life.

Thanks for taking this journey down memory lane with me. It's not a starter house, it is a home, filled with love. A home that is waiting for you, Valentin.

"And the people were restrained from bringing"

Exodus 25: 1-8 “Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying: ‘Speak to the children of Israel, that they bring Me an offering. From everyone who gives it willingly with his heart you shall take My offering. And this is the offering which you shall take from them: gold, silver, and bronze; blue, purple, and scarlet thread, fine linen, and goats’ hair; ram skins dyed red, badger skins, and acacia wood; oil for the light, and spices for the anointing oil and for the sweet incense; onyx stones, and stones to be set in the ephod and in the breastplate. And let them make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell among them.’”

Exodus 36: 2-7 “Then Moses called Bezalel and Aholiab, and every gifted artisan in whose heart the Lord had put wisdom, everyone whose heart was stirred, to come and do the work. And they received from Moses all the offering which the children of Israel had brought for the work of the service of making the sanctuary. So they continued bringing to him freewill offerings every morning. Then all the craftsmen who were doing all the work of the sanctuary came, each from the work he was doing, and they spoke to Moses, saying, ‘The people bring much more than enough for the service of the work which the Lord commanded us to do.’ So Moses gave a commandment, and they caused it to be proclaimed throughout the camp, saying, ‘Let neither man nor woman do any more work for the offering of the sanctuary.’ And the people were restrained from bringing, for the material they had was sufficient for all the work to be done—indeed too much.

I have always loved this piece of scripture. Out of love for God the people brought their offerings for the building of the tabernacle…and they brought…and they brought. So much so that the scriptures say the people had to be restrained from bringing! What a beautiful scene! However this morning this bit of scripture means something more to us. “From everyone who gives it willingly with his heart you shall take My offering” means something more to us. “The people bring much more than enough for the service of the work which the Lord commanded us to do” means something more to us. Why?

VALENTIN’S ADOPTION IS FULLY FUNDED!!!!

We could not be more elated, grateful, or blessed! Valentin’s ransom has been paid!

You might be wondering “but Reece’s Rainbow shows that your adoption grant is $15,710, didn’t you need $24,000". Yes, we need $24,000, at least, probably even more because the stay in country is growing and it is looking like hubby is going to have to make 2-3 trips, which means more airline tickets. But Valentin has a separate grant of $3711 that will also go towards his adoption. Plus we have received checks written directly to us which puts us just over $24,000!

I want to scream it from the rooftops! I want to sing God’s glory! I want to give all of you a huge hug and kiss…ok, the kiss might be weird, but you understand the sentiment.

How about I take all those kisses and give them to Valentin :)

Soon, Valentin, very soon

More questions

Why not adopt from the U.S.?

I am asked this question a lot, especially from people who themselves have not or will not adopt any child at all. I will say 2 quick things, not in judgment or in condemnation, but if you ever ask that of an international adoptive family, please be sensitive. It is hurtful to be asked this. Adoption is hard. Very hard. And we are just trying to do some good. So to be made to feel shamed about not doing it “right” in your opinion, it’s hurtful. Also keep in mind, and I can say this from personal experience, the foster care system in this country, as broken as it is, is far better then an orphanage and most certainly better then a “laying room” or a mental institution in a foreign country. Yes, every single child deserves a home, no doubt, and we will provide a home to as many children as God allows, but some children are needier, they just are.

Now to explain our situation, I get the question…there are orphans in our own back yard, why not take care of them first? I agree, really. Hubby and I went to a foster/adoption informational meeting for that reason; we wanted to take care of the orphans in our back yard. We quickly found in our souls that we were pushing something that God was not ordaining for our lives right now. We want to foster and adopt children in our state. But that is not God’s plan right now and if we have learned anything about adoption it is that you DO NOT want to do it without God! I am not sure we could have survived adoption without our faith and trust and assurance that it was God’s will! If we have matured in anything in our Christian walk it is that we know that we know when God has chosen a child for our family. We were not expecting to adopt again so soon…I mean really not expecting it. But as soon as I read Valentin’s story it was like God hit us with a 2x4.

So why are we adopting from foreign countries…because that’s where our children are. Simple.

Maybe our next child will be a child we foster or that we adopt locally. Who knows? We are open to whatever child God calls us to, it just so happens that He has called us across oceans.

Are you “locked in” for Valentin?

No. There are absolutely no guarantees that we will be able to adopt Valentin. Other then the huge guarantee of God impressing upon us that he is our son J But as far as his country is concerned, he is not ours really until he is with us and out of the orphanage.

He is not our son until a court judge in his region grants us permission to be his parents and even then there is a 10-day waiting period where biological family members can come forward and ‘claim’ him.

Several things can happen, his biological family could decide to take him out of the orphanage, another family ahead of us in the process could choose to adopt him, or he could be given as a referral to another family ahead of us in the process. We are not worried though; as of last week he was still available for adoption and we are absolutely certain God has made us a family. We would not be doing this if we were not certain that it is God’s will! Valentin is our precious son!

When will you travel? What is the process?

Within a few hours our dossier will be submitted in Valentin’s country. It *usually* takes 2 weeks for the dossier to be approved and an invitation to travel to be issued. That travel date is *usually* 2 to 3.5 weeks after that. I use the term “usually” loosely here because the adoption governing body has recently changed and no one is sure if the new process will be the same as the old process. We are in the group of people doing adoptions through the new governing body for the first time so the process is a little uncertain. But if things happen the way they used to happen we could be leaving in 4-6 weeks.

This just blows our minds! Our other adoptions took 9-10 months. We just heard of Valentin in early January and already we are talking travel??? There is a lot to be done in the coming weeks but we are so grateful that things have moved so quickly and that God has moved so many mountains!!! Our beloved Valentin, it won’t be long now…

The travel in country is averaging about 40-50 days. Yes, you read that right 40-50 days. There is no way hubby can get that much time off work so he will be making 2 trips for the parts of the process he has to be there for. I have the option of making 2 trips too and it is a struggle because on one hand I want to be here with my kiddos (the thought of leaving them is killing me) but I know Valentin needs as much love and attention as he can get. My plan is to stay the entire time in country to make it less disruptive for Valentin.

Why all the secrecy?

I know right?! You have probably noticed I do not mention what country Valentin lives in. This is for his protection and the others in his orphanage. This blog is VERY public and we are trying to walk that fine line of sharing his story and our story without also inviting any harm to come to him or us. You never know who is reading about these kids and could use info to take advantage of them.

It is so hard and so heart breaking to know that someone half way around the world is your child and yet be completely helpless to protect them. I cannot make sure that Valentin gets held today or that he gets a nutritious meal, or that he stays warm and comforted. All I can really do is protect his identity and location, so that is why the secrecy.

You know how hard it is going to be, right?

Ok, no one really asks the question like that, people have been so kind, but it is alluded to often so I thought it would be good to address here. It is easy to read this blog and others with all the blessings and stories of children being healed and thriving in their new homes and think it is kind of easy. It is easy to think it is going to be easy during the waiting. It is easy to picture a grand first meeting and an easy transition. God has blessed us in AMAZING ways and we would not trade adoption for anything…I mean anything! But, yes we know it is going to be hard. Very hard. Beyond hard. We have had one extremely hard adoption with a child that fought us every second of every day for a long time. And we have had one easier adoption with a child that smiled at us, came to us immediately with hugs and love and has not stopped since.

We are very fortunate that we have gained experience and knowledge in bonding and attachment and in development and therapy, but even with all that experience and knowledge we know that we will be shocked by what we see in Valentin. We know that the hard part has not even begun yet. It is going to take a huge amount of time and work to undo 6 years of neglect. 6 years of sedation. 6 years of possible poor nutrition. 6 years of no way to communicate. 6 years of self-soothing behavior that will not go away over night. Our minds probably cannot even imagine what we are going to see and experience. We cannot even begin to know the rough days ahead.

But God…I just love those words “but God”…but God is so good to bless us with all the encouraging stories of people helping to rescue Valentin and the thousands of prayers that are prayed for him and for us. We have seen miracles, mountains moved, people doing extraordinary things, amazing amounts of selfless giving, and many new friendships formed. All this God is doing so we can remember His faithfulness and His provision to motivate and encourage us when the hard days come.

And above all, isn’t Valentin worth it? Jesus paid a painful and bloody price for our adoption, what is it for us to have to put forth a little effort…a lot of effort?

We know the hard days are coming…but God…

A beautiful GEM

So everyday I think I am going to be able to get all caught up on emails and messages, laundry and cleaning, etc...

Then I open my email or my mailbox and the stories and gifts knock me to my knees and leave me sobbing like a baby. I really do wonder who's life I am living some times, someone far more deserving and faithful.

Do you remember in this post where the now somewhat famous "one old lady" talked about how "the 5 teenage boys" used to be "5 teenage boys and 1 teenage girl"? The girl whose initials are GEM passed away in a car accident. My heart sank when I read those words and the first thought that came to my mind was I cannot imagine what her mom must be going through.

Who knew I would find this comment to my last post:

"I have no idea why I went to this sight today.. I had it bookmarked and clicked on it for an update. What a coincidence to see that your post today is about the fundraiser held at my church a few weeks ago for Valentin. I am personally acquainted with the teenage boys and the "old lady" , who by the way works harder than 4 "young ladies" :)

God's blessings are there everyday and I know it first hand. It was my daughter Elise that was the only girl in this Sunday School Class.. the one whose initials are GEM. She was killed in a car accident on August 2, 2011. These 4 boys were her friends and she loved them dearly!

Let me share with you a story about how Valentin is touching people you don't even know. I have this chair in my closet, crazy I know, but it is my place to hide from the world and be alone. One Sunday afternoon, I was sitting there praying and asking God why he couldn't have let my baby be one of those people who had a miracle near death experience, like the little boy in the book Heaven is For Real ... I explained that it would have changed Elise and the rest of our family and brought about many many blessings. Elise has so much to give and couldn't she have done God's work right here with me!

As always, God was listening. As I was praying and crying in the closet my phone rang, it was my mother telling me about Valentin and how Elise's Sunday School class wanted to raise money for his adoption. She told me the class had talked about Elise and know that she would have been on board.

Now this adoption and the work of those 4 boys on Valentin's behalf really have nothing to do with my daughter but at that moment it was so clear to me that God was answering the questions I had just asked him... he was telling me that my daughter was needed in heaven to make things like this adoption happen! Needless to say I went straight back to the closet to let God know that I got his message and to thank him for the many blessings I have, one of the biggest being Elise's mother!!!

I will keep you and your family in my prayers and look so forward to meeting you when you come to Mississippi!!"

How amazing is that?!?! I absolutely believe that God used Elise in Valentin's adoption and that God used Valentin to help Elise's mom. It's just too beautiful for words.

I cannot wait to tell Valentin all these stories of God bringing people together for his rescue and using him to help so many others too!

May I ask all of you to remember Elise's mom and her family in your prayer time. I just cannot even imagine losing a child, the thought alone makes me weep. God's plans are perfect and peace is found only in Him, may He grant Elise's family and friends many moments of peace. May He continue to use Elise in the lives of others.

And to Elise's mom, thank you for sharing your story with me. I cannot wait to meet you! I don't know exactly what heaven will be like but I look forward to giving your daughter a big hug!!!

I mean really?!

I am not sure I will ever stop crying at this point. God just keeps blessing us. People keep surprising us. I am just overwhelmed with emotion I almost cannot write a coherent post. What am I saying almost...I can't write a coherent post at this point. There just are no words to describe what I am about to tell you.

Remember the post a while ago about my dear friend's cousin who's sunday school class was raising money for Valentin until Valentine's Day? Then remember how I posted that he, "4 teenage boys and 1 old lady" worked so hard to raise over $4,000 for Valentin and shared their excitement about it? And then the pictures...those pictures that moved me so much as I saw so many working and giving to bring Valentin home? Remember me saying that I wished I could hug and thank, in person, the people that worked so hard to help us rescue Valentin???? Can you see where this is going???

We got a letter in the mail today from the brother of the "1 old lady" with an offer to help our family fly out to the town in Mississippi that worked so hard on this fundraiser and meet them in person. I mean really?! Who does this stuff happen to? Who's life am I living? We are so unworthy of these blessings and all these amazing new friends!

I don't know how it is all going to work or when but I CANNOT WAIT for all the people that worked so hard on the fundraiser and spent so much time baking and praying and donating to MEET THE BOY THEY ARE RESCUING! We have to get Valentin home and checked out by doctors and give him some time to adjust, but when the time is right we will be on the first plane headed for Mississippi to meet all his new friends! And I know ya'll are reading this so we cannot wait to meet you :)

And Valentin, our precious Valentin, I cannot wait for you to feel and see all the love that has been poured out for you. You, my sweet son, are dearly loved!

How do we say thank you

I did not intent to post again today but I just noticed that someone donated $2,000 to our grant on Reece's Rainbow. How do we say thank you? We have been awe-struck by the kindness and generosity that has been shown to Valentin and to us. I know I have said thank you so many times and have tried to say it so many ways, I fear not saying it enough or saying it too much.

I want all of you to know how very grateful we are that you have so generously shown your love for and desire to rescue our son! Yet, we want to respect that what you give and how you give is between you and God and we want you to get your reward in heaven. We take very seriously scripture and especially when it comes to giving and we know many of you want to do your giving in secret not to be praise here on earth, but to show your love for God and His people. That is why we don't "out" anyone here on our blog, when you share your stories with us we want to write about it to give glory to God and let Him reward you. So we are left wanting to lavish many thank you's on you but knowing that is not why you gave and not wanting to take away from God's blessing and honoring your gift.

I have been told that Reece's Rainbow will give us a list of everyone who has donated to our grant and I want so badly to have that list so I can handwrite thank you notes to all of you. That would make it a little easier for us to accept the money if we could personally thank all of you. But after some thought and prayer I don't think we should see who donated. When we donate to other adoption funds we like staying anonymous (unless there is a wonderful story of God's provision and glory we want to share with the family) because we don't do it for praise, we do it for the God and for the children. I am sure that is why you do it too. So as hard as it is, we are leaving the rewards and blessings to God and we hope our simple 'thank you' expresses how grateful we are.